Walking upside-down: How I haven’t died yet on my exchange despite the Australian fauna

Me trying hard not to get skin cancer.

That’s right, I’ve neglected Canadian soil for over three months now, yet it feels like moments ago I was trying to stow my dogs aboard the plane to smuggle into Australia (but then Johnny Depp told me not to).

So, if you’re someone from Canada I know, I’ve been away for a while. If you’re someone I know from Oz, then you’re well-aware of the utter chaos my presence brings to your country.

My dad came down for the ride and we hop-scotched over the Pacific to start, seeing some nice views in Honolulu before landing in New Zealand for a couple weeks, all while trying desperately to convince onlookers we weren’t American. 

KiwiLand:

We were first in Auckland, a lovely town with a cute CN Tower replica and trees that are clearly drunk.

*Fun Fact* Auckland is the only city in the world with 2 harbours on different oceans (the Tasman and Pacific).

With perfect weather, clean streets, nice museums and cafes galore, it was a lovely spot to visit. However, this was my first encounter with the backwards traffic that some countries seem fond of. Combined with potentially active volcanoes, I was glad to make it out of this charming city alive.

If you ever visit New Zealand, checking out the spooky glowworm caves and the whitewater rafting are highlights. Further south, visiting the quirky city of Christchurch that’s halfway-rebuilt is surreal and fascinating.

If you don’t care about leaving NZ in a bodybag, crazy bungee-jumping and skydiving spots are all the rage.  

Once we landed in Melbourne, sorting out all the banking and housing details was such a treat. As I grow into my old age, it surely is one of the times I will remember most fondly from this exchange. We de-stressed from that shitshow by touring the Great Ocean Road, seeing the Twelve Apostles from a helicopter! It very well may be the most exciting thing that happens in my life. I almost wasn’t disappointed that the rock formations fudge their numbers as much as Trump’s inauguration crowd size (there are only 7 Apostles).

I returned to Melbourne to start my classes (boooring I know but I’ll keep it quick) with the typical cocktail of hit-and-miss profs: some who make you instantly fall asleep, and others who sprinkle you with glimpses of understanding. I meandered around the city quite a bit, remarkably not getting lost much, though I did have a run-in with a few black swans on one occasion. I would’ve taken photos of these fearsome fowls but I was too preoccupied with fleeing the scene. And don’t worry I’m not racist, I was scared off because of their chasing behaviour, not their plumage colour.

After surviving that, I landed a role on a uni student tv miniseries where I play an unbalanced tv producer who’s Kiwi, (Ai-yum stull weukeng awn they ex-seent). The filming begins this week; my goal here is that when it’s released I don’t insult that country so much that they ban me from ever returning. I’ve also begun an on-campus internship that will take me until July, right before I fly back to Canuckia. It’s at the urban research centre and involves their media outreach, mainly so that the public can understand and appreciate the nerdy-yet-important work that the academics do.

That’s all for now, hope you’ve enjoyed this random splatter of my thoughts, I might cook up another one soon!